Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Truth Is

The Truth everyone...I love my ex DEATH. To this day, I would probably do anything for her, and although we are still cool, there is obviously something not right between us. Even when we try to be normal, the friction and a little hatred is always in the air.

The truth is....sometimes I can't tell the difference between my heart and my mind. My mind sometimes tell me that its not ever going to work again, but my heart says I have to attempt to get things right. Then there are times when I'm just lost and I don't know what to feel.

The truth is...I know I fucked up, and although she was not perfect in our relationship, she has always been loyal to me, and I allowed someone else to come in between us.

The truth is...I question rather she is the one for me. Just because we have known each other for ever doesn't always mean that we were made to be in a relationship together. I wonder if I can love her the way that she wants to be loved...and can she do the same for me.

The truth is...I am a damn good boyfriend. I became the man she wanted me to be. I cooked, I cleaned, I bought her stuff all the time, I took her out on dates, I came home and hugged her, and kissed her, I asked her how her day was...and in return, all I got was nothing. I few I love yous, but all that of the shit I gave out, I never got it in return.

The truth is...I think she stopped loving. We were in a relationship for 5 years, and for the last year of our relationship, she just flipped the script. I attempted a number of times to talk to her and try to figure out the problem so we can work it out, but she would just shut off, and give me the cold shoulder.

The truth is...I still don't know if she can ever love me the same....

The truth is...I love her enough to allow someone else to love her if that if that is gonna bring her happiness.

The truth is...I couldn't stand to see her with someone else.

The truth is...I still don't know how to correct our problems.

The truth is...A part of me, wants to see what else is out there for me.

The truth is...I think I know where I belong.

The truth is...I'm still lost. Love is some crazy shit!


MP said...

Maybe you guys are trying to be "normal" too soon? If there is hatred and hurt in the air there hasn't been much healing. Sometimes it really is best to create lots of space for some time to get a better idea of how u really feel. But of course after being together for 5 years it feels like the hardest most unnatural thing to do. I hope that you find some clarity soon but it sounds like u are getting closer to knowing what needs to happen.

Anonymous said...

Nothing to really add... just wanted you to know I was reading and praying for the the best for the two of you. I'm here if you need to chat...

12kyle said...

The truth is the truth. Sometimes it hurts but you're being truthful about your feelings and that's a great start.

1. You know you made a mistake but you can't beat yourself up about it. And you shouldn't. I know it's easier said than done...

2. Time. Everything takes time. In time, you'll have the answers. You're'll never be the same. However, you could love her even more...the relationship could be even better...but it'll never be the same

I'm pullin for you, bruh. Keep ya head up.

1/3 said...

:-(....Love is like that sometimes...this is just a learning experience. It will work out the way its supposed to even though it doesnt seem like it right now.

Praying for you.