Wednesday, January 27, 2010

In All Things Positive

I believe a few posts back, I declared that I would no longer post anything that was near depressing, dark or anything that has something to do with negativity….So this post will be the exact opposite. The end of the first month of the New Year is slowly approaching, and I can tell that things are headed into the right direction. I told myself that in 2010 I would attempt to continue to improve all aspect of my life and allow constructive criticism to light the fire for me to get better…and so far so good. So here are a few updates in my life since I don’t blog on a regular basis anymore.

1) I absolutely love having my own apartment. I finally have something that I can call my own. I pay my own bills and I don’t ask anyone for anything. My home is a reflection of who I am and I’m extremely blessed to be in a position to live on my own. Living by myself does have some obvious disadvantages, but I do enjoy the freedom, and comfort. My goal was to create a peaceful atmosphere, and that will be established once I buy my couch lol.

2) Towards the 2009, I think I was getting a little frustrated with work. There was big change that affected me, and I often allowed my temper to get the best of me. I got to a point where I felt like I lost my voice, and no one really valued my opinion. So when people were trying to have a conversation with me, I would immediately put on a defense because I felt like the world was against me….this year I’ve adjusted my attitude and I now think before I speak. (for the most part).

3) After all of the wrong that I’ve done throughout my life…I can see that people still love me enough to stand behind me even in my most difficult time. I do believe that God places people in your life for reason, and I’m surrounded by an over flow of love, that I honestly wish wasn’t there at times. But I can’t allow myself to not open my heart to love and help when I know there are times when I need it the most.

4) I enjoy being single. I absolutely LOVE not answering to anyone. It’s the best thing in the world, I can see and talk to whoever I want to, and I don’t have to feel bad when I break my neck to look at a woman’s backside (I know I’m horrible- It’s a guy thing). I’ve been in a relationship for so long, I almost forgot how much freedom a man has when he doesn’t have a significant other. But with all that being said, I don’t believe I’ve taken advantage of being single yet. I haven’t started talking to anyone new, I still haven’t invited anyone to the crib, and If I exchange numbers with a woman, I never call. I did start talking to someone in my past…but that lasted all of 3 days before I told her to grow up, and deleted her number from my phone.

So 2010 has been good to me so far. If I can continue to have this positive outlook on my life and it’s turn of events, I know in my heart that I will have a pretty good year. I love the way things are headed and I just need to stay on the right path.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Let Us Not Forget





......about this man's hard work. He is truly the reason why we have progressed so far!


And let us not forget we still have a long way to go!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Words of Inspiration

Living with your self can certainly put a lot on a young man’s brain. One night while alone playing Xbox, in my mind I kept referring to what my deepest fear was. I’m sure that many of you have seen the movie “Coach Carter” And there was a question that the Coach kept asking his players….What is your deepest fear young man?....and while many of us have different answers to the question….There is a general answer which was provided by Marianne Williamson.


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. “

Words to live by as you go through this thing called life.

Peace and Love

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

1st Post of The New Year

First of all please allow me to say Happy New Year to you all. Sorry it’s been so long.
Since this is my first post of the New Year, I have decided to start off with some great news….

When me and my ex broke up, and I went back to live with my dad I told myself that I would be out my dad’s house by Jan 1st. Low and behold, I moved out December 31st. I moved into a place that I can call my own. I have a own bedroom apartment and it’s great because I can do me, take care of me, and not have to depend on anyone else but me. I am happy that I have accomplished this milestone in my life, and although I’m happy, it’s pretty lonely and boring sometimes, but I guess eventually I will get over it. Fortunately for me, I’ve had a lot of people help a brother out so I really haven’t had to come out of pocket for a lot of things. Moving was very much overwhelming, but this experience has truly been a blessing and very humbling.

My New Years resolutions is simple….I don’t have one. I believe that type of stuff is so cliché. Instead I have a simple motto that I am going to follow for 2010. 2010= Improvements. This year is about the betterment of me, and those around me. I can’t and won’t allow negative energy to bring me down in any way shape or form. For so long, I have allowed other people’s thoughts and feelings drive my day, but this year there will be none of that. So people can either hop on board or get left behind. I want to become someone that is more felicitous, and less of the person that people say is unapproachable.

In 2009 was a very stressful year for me, I ended a relationship of 5 years, I dealt with frustration at work (although I thank the Lord everyday for having a job to come to), and family problems that will drive any sane person up a wall. For the past 4 or 5 months, I just be real melancholy for a number of reason, but I vow to be the happy Darrius everybody loved in 2010. Other people’s thoughts and feelings will no longer influence my thoughts or actions, nor will they become an excuse for my lack of judgment. 25 years on this earth and now is the time for me to become a man and stand on my own two feet. Now is the time for Greatness!

2010 is going to be a great and prosperous year, and I will make sure I document every up and every down. The real Darrius is back…new and improved.

2010=Improvements

Peace and Love!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Now Is The Time For Change!

Now is the time for change...

Now is the time for GREATNESS

Not to get all Godly or anything like that….but “Now Is The Time For Greatness” is the theme series that my pastor has been preaching on the last month and some change. And for some reason I have been telling myself throughout these troubling times for me that things need to change; new people, a new outlook on life, and new appreciation for love. On Saturday (12/19/09) I sat in the bed all day and all night (literally) without much sleep and so I just thought about what direction my life was going into. At 25 I felt like nothing positive was happening for me. And then suddenly- I had an epiphany, I just need to be with me and take care of me. I can’t worry about pleasing other people, or helping folks-I have to take care of me, and make myself happy, because at the end of the day, this is my life and no one can live it but me.

As the New Year approaches, I have decided that I will exclude any negative or pessimistic posting from this blog (unless I’m a venting session with myself). I just figure that I have walk into the new year with a new outlook on life. I NEED to always surround myself with positive people with positive energy. Just this weekend I went through my cell phone and just deleted people that I felt that could possibly hinder my growth in 2010. Some of those people were family member as well. Some people go out and do the whole new year’s resolution, and I’ve done in the past as well, but this new year it’s all about steady progression.

On January 2nd I will move into my one bedroom apartment! Either I was in college, or staying with my ex, I never have once experienced what it’s really like living out on my own, and it’s an experience I am really looking forward to. The time for change is now!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Going Through Life

Dreams of life being a utopia is indeed just a dream. One of the things that I am learning throughout this process I prefer to call “the growth period” is that life has many bumps and roads, and life is truly all what you make of it. As much as we like to predetermine special monumental moments of our lives, things don’t always go as planned because of outside distractions that arrive unannounced. Each and everyone of us were taught about making the “right” decision, and how those decisions effect us and those that are important in our lives, and now to me it’s all starting to make sense.

In my dream world, I was going to be married at 26-27, have my MBA and beginning to start a family with the love of my life. You know that whole White Pickett Fence dream really doesn’t exist. Although I have no regrets in life, there are some moments when I wish I could go back and right some wrongs. I realize that I put myself in horrible predicament and I ended up hurting the people that care about me the most. So at this point there is no other option but to continue to look ahead, and make sure I do it the right way the next time.

Someone very close to me asked me the other day if I was going through a stage of depression? I laughed at her and told her I was just going through life. I just pray for strength and power to control my emotions and not to result to things that are unhealthy for an outlet. I’m getting better one day at a time.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I AM

I am
Afraid of the future holds for me. Although there is a bit of excitement there, the problem with the future is that it cannot be determined; I must take the wait-and-see approach. I can only believe that there is nothing but great things ahead of me-I guess there is a bit of fear of being successful. There is so much about to take place in my life…getting my own apartment, starting school next fall, and finally taking care of me. All of these things I know will become a bit overwhelming.

I am
More than a conqueror. Yes I may be somewhat hesitant of what the future holds for me in my life, but I know that God has given me the ability to overcome any obstacles that is placed in front of me. I am a fighter, with a fiery competitive edge. Losing is not an option in life, and it will never become one. Even during my most troubling hour, I must realize that Joy comes in the morning.

I am
Human. I make mistakes and I’m far from being infallible. I think some people have a tendency to place me on such a high pedestal, that they forget that I often make mistakes just like everyone else. Every day I strive for perfection just as many of us do, but I often fall short. What I don’t need is for someone to act like the world is coming to end because I made a wrong decision. We all make bad choices in life…but its apart of the growth of finding the Real Darrius.

I am
A great lover. Not to toot my own horn, but I know how to love. I can be very passionate, romantic, caring, a great listening, and a strong support system. My problem is that I haven’t actually gave a woman all of that at one time on a consistent basis. However, as a direct result of my past experience in relationships, I fully understand now that love can’t come here and there. Although my actions prove to be other wise, I fully capable of being a great lover.

I am
A leader. Ever since my sophomore year in college, I realize that God has blessed me with the ability to be a leader. And that is a characteristic that I can’t just let sit there without putting it to use. I am unsure of what capacity my leaderships skills will be exercised in, I do know that it will have something to do with giving back to the youth.

I am
A true friend. Growing up in East Oakland, I learned at an early age what loyalty stood for. And I stay true to what I was taught as a youngster. Of all of the people that I associate myself with I can guarantee you that all of them will tell you that I have their back no matter what. We have become so accustom to throwing around the word friend, many of have forgotten what the term really means. Above all I never turned my back on people and I don’t plan on it.

I am….cheap, yet expensive at the same time
I am…weird
I am…not easily persuaded
I am…hard headed
I am… stubborn
I am…willing to learn
I am…eager to help others in need
I am…somewhat passive
I am…quiet by nature, and free when I’m comfortable
I am…observer
I am...not a procrastinator
I am…humble
I am…a work in progress
I am…Darrius.

Either Love me or Leave me alone!