Monday, June 22, 2009

Bottled Up Emotions

Back when I use to post every day, I often use to discuss my inability to express my feelings, and to open up about things that would bother me. Months later and not too much has changed. For some reason, it’s as if the smallest things are beginning to piss me off, and instead of talking about it, and I just shut down and get angry. Last night, I toss and turned all night because I had so much on my mind and I didn’t what to say and how to say, and so I just sat there, in the dark staring at the wall. When I say things people take it the wrong, or there are times when I feel like people don’t take me seriously enough both at home and at work. Keeping my emotions bottled up is never a good thing, and at one point I was really do good with expressing myself, but lately I feel as if I am converting back to my old ways. Taking steps backwards is never an improvement.

So what do I do? I have tried time and time again but I can’t seem to shake my bad habit. There have been times even recently when I attempted to express my thoughts, and they were dismissed as if my feelings were not important, and as a result of that I really have become hesitant to open up. Especially if I’m just going to ignored-there is no point. I’m not saying what I’m doing is right, I’m just saying people are not making easy for me to work on my flaws. So now I’m just keeping shit in again, and I’m another incident from snapping on someone that doesn’t deserve it. I’m trying people, I really am- I want to express how I feel when things happen but I’m fed up with people not taking me seriously or misinterpreting what I’m trying to get across. Some of it could be my approach because I’m naturally a nice good, or maybe it’s the people that I surround myself with…maybe I need to take inventory and clean some things (and people ) out of my life……

Sorry for the rambling…I guess I'm making good use of my outlet.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Be Happy

Someone at work asked me the other day if I was "happy" with what I'm doing? I assumed the lady was talking bout work so I replied yeah and kept it moving. With me being the person that I am I walked away thinking the question in a much broader scope and I started thinking about"happy" from all points of views of life, and asked myself if I was REALLY happy in life.

After thinking bout it, I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I am happy. In this day and time it's not a lot to be happy about especially in this down economy when people are losing their jobs and struggling to make ends meat I thank God that I'm not one of those people that are going through a hardship I have a good paying job, food on my table every night and a good woman on my side to keep me humble. We can always find something to complain about but the how many people do you know can always find something positive in the bad times.

Everyone has their on interpretation of what being happy/content is. To me personally I'm at a place in my life where I have a peace of mind. Like all of us out there in the world, there are some situations that could be better, but we can not control life, being negativity about everything is not going to make it better.

We should all be happy about life in general.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Writer's Block

I just started blogging and I'm already experiencing writer's block...check back with me on Wednesday I might have something for you.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Doing It For The Kids

Two weeks ago I was in Dallas for training for my job, but it just so happens that my (play ) brother CJ happens to now live in Dallas. Me and CJ have been close friends since I was Freshman in high school, in fact we are so close that when I get married I would consider him as my best man. CJ is a really good dude, very kind hearted, and would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. Now CJ has been with this Mexican woman named Sandy for a while now they have been off and on for about four years and they have two kids together, a four year old and a 1 year old both boys.

Now here is the story, me and CJ was out shopping one day and out of nowhere he says "Darrius do you think I should get married"

Now this is coming from a guy that never open up about anything, I paused to think about if I should really be honest with him, so I said "No because deep inside I don't believe you believe that Sandy is the one for you."

After some dialogue back and forth I asked him why he continued to stay with Sandy if wasn't really in love.

CJ said, "because I am afraid that if I leave Sandy, I will never see my sons again."

Most men would probably just say fuck it and just let it be but CJ would rather stay in a unhappy relationship then to lose the relationship with his kids. CJ told me that it was no better feeling than to coming home and have his kids run to him. So many men are quick to run out on their kids at the dumbest reason but CJ is cut from a different cloth. We continued to talk about 10 minutes and the only thing he kept saying was "my kids", those two boys are his life and I can't help but to look up to him (even though we are only about a month apart) because he actually wants to be a father to his children while most men can give two fucks. I know that my brother does not have a relationship with his father and he doesn't want his kids to grow up without a father like he did, CJ is putting an end to generational curses. So if you are a deadbeat father and you are reading this blog you should really be ashamed of your self.

There are lot of good men out there, and CJ is one of them. A real man who won't walk away from his responsibilities, and lives for his children.