Wednesday, October 21, 2009

25 Years!

On October 20th, I reached a milestone in every black man’s life….I turned 25. I am very fortunate to have live past the life expectancy rate of black men. Not only that, but I have also exceeded everyone’s expectation of me. I have a college degree, no kids, a good job, health care, and many other things that a lot of people don’t have. I can’t complain. My life could be filled with baby mama drama, I could be in jail, just barely getting by, but I’m not and I am so blessed that God has given me so much in these 25 years and I truly believe that I have so much in store for the future.

I actually had a great birthday, one of my most memorable. And that’s all possible because of my ex girlfriend even though I know how she really feels about our situation she made sure she went out of her to give me something I will never forget.
For my 25th birthday she gave me 25 gifts. Some of those gifts included dinner, flowers, a peacoat, some candy etc…The gifts were nice and all, but I was more impressed that she thought enough of me to do all of those small things for me. I wish she knew how much I really appreciate her kindness, but for some reason or another I can tell she was little upset with me about something on my birthday. I’m really trying to get back to the person she once fell in love with, but every time we attempt to have a nice outing, it usually turns into a discussion, which ultimately will make me angry. I just can’t win.

Enough of that….so now that I am 25, I heard all day…so do you feel older? And the answer is yes a little, but I also know with age come maturity (in most cases) and I’m still in my prime. But now that I am 25, I can’t help but to think in five more years I’m gonna be 30! And I pray to God that at least by then I can be married with children. I hope I’m making more money, moving up the corporate latter, and experiencing life in the fullest form. I’m very anxious to see what my 25 year has in store for me! Peace and Blessings!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Truth Is

The Truth everyone...I love my ex DEATH. To this day, I would probably do anything for her, and although we are still cool, there is obviously something not right between us. Even when we try to be normal, the friction and a little hatred is always in the air.

The truth is....sometimes I can't tell the difference between my heart and my mind. My mind sometimes tell me that its not ever going to work again, but my heart says I have to attempt to get things right. Then there are times when I'm just lost and I don't know what to feel.

The truth is...I know I fucked up, and although she was not perfect in our relationship, she has always been loyal to me, and I allowed someone else to come in between us.

The truth is...I question rather she is the one for me. Just because we have known each other for ever doesn't always mean that we were made to be in a relationship together. I wonder if I can love her the way that she wants to be loved...and can she do the same for me.

The truth is...I am a damn good boyfriend. I became the man she wanted me to be. I cooked, I cleaned, I bought her stuff all the time, I took her out on dates, I came home and hugged her, and kissed her, I asked her how her day was...and in return, all I got was nothing. I few I love yous, but all that of the shit I gave out, I never got it in return.

The truth is...I think she stopped loving. We were in a relationship for 5 years, and for the last year of our relationship, she just flipped the script. I attempted a number of times to talk to her and try to figure out the problem so we can work it out, but she would just shut off, and give me the cold shoulder.

The truth is...I still don't know if she can ever love me the same....

The truth is...I love her enough to allow someone else to love her if that if that is gonna bring her happiness.

The truth is...I couldn't stand to see her with someone else.

The truth is...I still don't know how to correct our problems.

The truth is...A part of me, wants to see what else is out there for me.

The truth is...I think I know where I belong.

The truth is...I'm still lost. Love is some crazy shit!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What Was Once Love

I know everyone I been horrible with keeping up with my blog but I have reason for it, just too much to tell but I have something on my heart and I need to share my feelings. Okay so after 5 years of being in a relationship and a total of ten years of friendship, me and shorty have decided that it was time for us to part ways. Now the first question many of you would be thinking is why? And honestly we both played a part in the demised of our relationship. For months now we have been having trouble not communicating with each other, not showing each other enough respect or love, and most importantly we were not listening to each other needs. My ex and I developed a friendship before we ever decided to become a couple and once we became a couple the friendship got lost in the shuffle.

For 10 years my girl has been in my life for both the good and the bad, but somewhere along the way she changed and so did my thoughts about our relationship.

As a result if my frustration in the relationship I made the dumbest mistake in my life when I allowed someone to come in between us. And so I cheated. Being the man that I am….I told her about it, up front because I didn’t want her to find out. There were a number of reasons why I did what I did but there is no excuse in the world for my actions. Although I feel like this whole fiasco is my fault, I was somewhat provoked by the actions of my significant other.

The bottom line is….I miss my friend, and I miss my woman! But at this point, we both have done so much damage…I doubt if it can be repaired.