Monday, December 21, 2009

Now Is The Time For Change!

Now is the time for change...

Now is the time for GREATNESS

Not to get all Godly or anything like that….but “Now Is The Time For Greatness” is the theme series that my pastor has been preaching on the last month and some change. And for some reason I have been telling myself throughout these troubling times for me that things need to change; new people, a new outlook on life, and new appreciation for love. On Saturday (12/19/09) I sat in the bed all day and all night (literally) without much sleep and so I just thought about what direction my life was going into. At 25 I felt like nothing positive was happening for me. And then suddenly- I had an epiphany, I just need to be with me and take care of me. I can’t worry about pleasing other people, or helping folks-I have to take care of me, and make myself happy, because at the end of the day, this is my life and no one can live it but me.

As the New Year approaches, I have decided that I will exclude any negative or pessimistic posting from this blog (unless I’m a venting session with myself). I just figure that I have walk into the new year with a new outlook on life. I NEED to always surround myself with positive people with positive energy. Just this weekend I went through my cell phone and just deleted people that I felt that could possibly hinder my growth in 2010. Some of those people were family member as well. Some people go out and do the whole new year’s resolution, and I’ve done in the past as well, but this new year it’s all about steady progression.

On January 2nd I will move into my one bedroom apartment! Either I was in college, or staying with my ex, I never have once experienced what it’s really like living out on my own, and it’s an experience I am really looking forward to. The time for change is now!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Going Through Life

Dreams of life being a utopia is indeed just a dream. One of the things that I am learning throughout this process I prefer to call “the growth period” is that life has many bumps and roads, and life is truly all what you make of it. As much as we like to predetermine special monumental moments of our lives, things don’t always go as planned because of outside distractions that arrive unannounced. Each and everyone of us were taught about making the “right” decision, and how those decisions effect us and those that are important in our lives, and now to me it’s all starting to make sense.

In my dream world, I was going to be married at 26-27, have my MBA and beginning to start a family with the love of my life. You know that whole White Pickett Fence dream really doesn’t exist. Although I have no regrets in life, there are some moments when I wish I could go back and right some wrongs. I realize that I put myself in horrible predicament and I ended up hurting the people that care about me the most. So at this point there is no other option but to continue to look ahead, and make sure I do it the right way the next time.

Someone very close to me asked me the other day if I was going through a stage of depression? I laughed at her and told her I was just going through life. I just pray for strength and power to control my emotions and not to result to things that are unhealthy for an outlet. I’m getting better one day at a time.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I AM

I am
Afraid of the future holds for me. Although there is a bit of excitement there, the problem with the future is that it cannot be determined; I must take the wait-and-see approach. I can only believe that there is nothing but great things ahead of me-I guess there is a bit of fear of being successful. There is so much about to take place in my life…getting my own apartment, starting school next fall, and finally taking care of me. All of these things I know will become a bit overwhelming.

I am
More than a conqueror. Yes I may be somewhat hesitant of what the future holds for me in my life, but I know that God has given me the ability to overcome any obstacles that is placed in front of me. I am a fighter, with a fiery competitive edge. Losing is not an option in life, and it will never become one. Even during my most troubling hour, I must realize that Joy comes in the morning.

I am
Human. I make mistakes and I’m far from being infallible. I think some people have a tendency to place me on such a high pedestal, that they forget that I often make mistakes just like everyone else. Every day I strive for perfection just as many of us do, but I often fall short. What I don’t need is for someone to act like the world is coming to end because I made a wrong decision. We all make bad choices in life…but its apart of the growth of finding the Real Darrius.

I am
A great lover. Not to toot my own horn, but I know how to love. I can be very passionate, romantic, caring, a great listening, and a strong support system. My problem is that I haven’t actually gave a woman all of that at one time on a consistent basis. However, as a direct result of my past experience in relationships, I fully understand now that love can’t come here and there. Although my actions prove to be other wise, I fully capable of being a great lover.

I am
A leader. Ever since my sophomore year in college, I realize that God has blessed me with the ability to be a leader. And that is a characteristic that I can’t just let sit there without putting it to use. I am unsure of what capacity my leaderships skills will be exercised in, I do know that it will have something to do with giving back to the youth.

I am
A true friend. Growing up in East Oakland, I learned at an early age what loyalty stood for. And I stay true to what I was taught as a youngster. Of all of the people that I associate myself with I can guarantee you that all of them will tell you that I have their back no matter what. We have become so accustom to throwing around the word friend, many of have forgotten what the term really means. Above all I never turned my back on people and I don’t plan on it.

I am….cheap, yet expensive at the same time
I am…weird
I am…not easily persuaded
I am…hard headed
I am… stubborn
I am…willing to learn
I am…eager to help others in need
I am…somewhat passive
I am…quiet by nature, and free when I’m comfortable
I am…observer
I am...not a procrastinator
I am…humble
I am…a work in progress
I am…Darrius.

Either Love me or Leave me alone!